Dallas / Fort Worth and Me

In this exciting episode of D/FW and Me, we’ll talk about the spiffy new DART trains we’ve got down here. Back in the mid-1990s, when I was still an archeologist, we caught wind of an interesting project called DART — Dallas Area Rapid Transit. The idea was to put rail-lines into service connecting all the major towns and cities of the Metroplex. It sounded like a good idea, but we weren’t sure how well it would go over with the public. We Texans do like our cars.

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Let’s talk transportation. No matter when you decide to come to Dallas, you’re going to have to get around somehow. Sure, I could take you places, but you’d probably get tired of me real quick, and I have to admit that the best I have to offer is a Ford Focus. It’s a nice little car, and I’ve only got one more payment till it’s mine, but there’s not that much space inside and you don’t want to trust your luggage and goodies to the trunk. It doesn’t quite shut these days. As with so many other things, something went wrong during my recent move — and the less said about that, the better. Let’s just say that my poor old car got a lot more of a workout than I bargained for.

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So, August in Dallas/Fort Worth: welcome to the blast furnace, mon ami! It’s not uncommon for the area to enjoy triple-digit temperatures every day during the month of August, and you can be sure the Dallas Morning News will count up the Really Hot Days with the same breathless amazement they do every year. The local newscasters will make a big deal over it, too. It’s like it’s always some kind of a surprise. Where do they think we live, Connecticut or something? It’s hot here in August. Always. Until the Earth shifts in its orbit or the Sun loses its luster, that ain’t gonna change. 

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So, how hot is July in the Big D? Are you serious? Let me put it this way. This is your brain in July in Dallas/Fort Worth:

Any questions?

All smart-assery aside, I rather like this photo. It turned out better than I expected. See, I just got a new digital camera* so I could impress ya’ll with my photographic skillz, and this was the result of my first photo session. (I went back and put relevant photos in selected archive entries too, so don’t be too surprised if you see ‘em). I didn’t plan on the golden sky and sharp silhouettes; that just happened, I guess because of the nature of a digital camera, combined with the high haze in the sky and the fact that it was after 8 PM (hurray for Daylight Saving Time!). I’m probably lucky my camera still works after taking this picture, but it performed fine afterward.

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Oh, boy. June in Dallas/Fort Worth. How can I describe it?

In fortunate years, the merry, merry month of May flows gracefully into June, bequeathing a few moderately comfortable days before Hell sets in. This year was not a fortunate year; nor are most. I got more June than I bargained for this year, since I spent a good half of it moving home and business in an old Chevy pickup without air conditioning. Yea, although I drove through the valley of the shadow of death I could fear no evil, as I was too sweaty and overwrought to do more than survive from moment to moment. All that and hard physical labor, too. How in the hell did people live in this climate before air conditioning? Were they just tougher than folks are now, or am I just really, really spoiled?

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As much as I love the spring weather here in Dallas/Fort Worth, I always cringe whenever May rolls around, and my sense of foreboding grows stronger as the month proceeds. It’s not May’s fault: it’s because those fiendish months of June, July, and August are just around the bend, and I know it won’t be long until I either have to get used to swimming in sweat, or pay through the nose for air-conditioning. As you might guess, I usually just bend over, grab my ankles, and let the electric company have its way with me.

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If I had a machine that would let me suspend Dallas/Fort Worth within a single month’s weather forever, I would probably pick April (though May has its charms). April has most, if not all, of the best facets of Metroplex weather: the days are generally warm, the nights generally cool, it rains sometimes (but not every day!), the world’s still coming alive after its long winter’s nap, the Bradford pears that every city and most companies use for landscaping are in bloom, and if you head down toward Waxahatchie, you’ll probably see clouds of bluebonnets on the roadside and median. They’re not as dense as when I was a kid (naturally), but there are still plenty to see.

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For Dallas/Fort Worth, the month of March — or as I like to call it, “the Schizo Month” — is a transitional one, stuck as it is in the uncertainty between winter and spring. I suppose this is true over most of the Northern Hemisphere, but in my experience it’s especially noticeable here in North Texas. Sure, it’s windy as hell, but that’s to be expected; March is well known, after all, for coming in like a lion. On the other hand, it goes out like a lion, too — although I understand it’s known to go out like a lamb in other climes. If the old saying’s anything to go by, March lasts through mid-April at least in the Metroplex. It’s not just gentle breezes you’ll feel, either. I’ve known March winds to blow a fully loaded book-cart 10+ feet down the sidewalk in front of the little bookshop I used to own, and on most days I could hear it howling around the exterior like a demented ghost.

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