June: And the Heat Goes On

 

Oh, boy. June in Dallas/Fort Worth. How can I describe it?

In fortunate years, the merry, merry month of May flows gracefully into June, bequeathing a few moderately comfortable days before Hell sets in. This year was not a fortunate year; nor are most. I got more June than I bargained for this year, since I spent a good half of it moving home and business in an old Chevy pickup without air conditioning. Yea, although I drove through the valley of the shadow of death I could fear no evil, as I was too sweaty and overwrought to do more than survive from moment to moment. All that and hard physical labor, too. How in the hell did people live in this climate before air conditioning? Were they just tougher than folks are now, or am I just really, really spoiled?

Don’t answer that.

June is more than hot here. The sunlight is like a physical force, and it’s easy to believe, as the physicists tell us, that it’s made up of innumerable little photons bouncing off everything with gay abandon. Linger too long, and they’ll drive you in the ground. The air, of course, is like unto a hot dry blanket. Oh, and the sweat. If some genius figured out how to make money off human sweat, D/FW would be one of the places they’d get it wholesale. See, you can drink three gallons of water and never have to go to the bathroom all day when you’re working out in the June-day sun. I learned that well when I was an archeologist. Not peeing all day makes for a more productive workday, I suppose. I don’t know — I usually started out weighed down with too much water to care, and ended the days too lightheaded from thirst to notice.

In June of last year, they were fighting wildfires to the West of us; this year, they’re dealing with floods. As I’ve mentioned more than once, this year’s weather is atypical so far. June is usually when our dry period really gets underway. If you don’t mind the heat or can temper it somehow, though, you’ll find an unending number of things to do around the Metroplex. We have some good water parks around here, if you like water that’s been sterilized to a faretheewell and then dyed blue to boot; we have copious public pools and aquatic centers, many of which cost very little to enjoy; and of course there are all those lakes, where you can water-ski and zoom around on your sea-doo thingy like a drunken monkey who’s never heard of the term “submerged timber.”

Drunken Monkeys

You can swim, too, but mind the muddy water, which hides what lurks below. Those sunfish are cheeky little devils, and I don’t even want to talk about the alligator gar. Oh, and did you know people have caught piranhas in Texas waters? No worries — I’m just sayin’.

Anyhow, if you’re not into water sports and you want to stay cool, either you sit on a porch swing in the shade and drink gallons of ice tea, or you stay inside. June is a good time to catch up on all those movies you’ve been meaning to see. If you don’t want to pay $9.00+ each (!!!) for the privilege, we do have some really cool (by which I mean cold) dollar theaters in the Metroplex. Or, you could stay home and watch videos in your living room. You can get a DVD player for as little as $30 these days, probably because of that Blu-Ray thing the industry’s about to foist off on us, and it’ll last at least long enough to watch all three Lord of the Rings movies back-to-back. (The Peter Jackson versions, not that crap from the 1970s).

And there you <> are. Since I’m basically beating a two-note drum here — hot and dry, hot and dry — I suppose I’d better wrap up this particular blogging exercise. Good advice for June in the Metroplex: keep an eye out for thunderstorms, but don’t get your hopes up. Otherwise try not to get more than 10 feet from air conditioning. It’ll save your sanity.

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